Musings
TLDR : The melancholic musings of a drunk
It really is depressing to live to grow up. My favourite activity to amuse myself when I’m bored is to call kids over, pull out the proverbial knife and ask them what they want to do in the future. The awkward looks on their faces are generally worth it, though after I start laughing, they laugh along with me. We both know it is a useless question.
If asked today, what could I answer as to what I want to do? I don’t know if anyone expects some sort of great answer. My answer was always somewhere along the lines of winging it, which has worked so far for me (apparently it’ll stop working soon).
I don’t know where I shall end up, though I do worry about different things. I’ve decided that me not thinking too much is healthy, for I worry a lot when things don’t go my way. Overthinking has ruined many a thing in my life and has destroyed many a relationship.
For the most part, we all move on. The futility of excess is something I know all too well of, similarly the futility of valuing something too much. I wish I knew this when I was younger and more incredibly short-sighted.
100 years from now we’ll all be dead. 200 years from now everyone we know will be dead. On a long enough timescale, we are but dust in the wind, destined to have whatever we are scattered to the eternal nothing. Specks we are in the vast universe, yet our own universe revolves around us.
I’ve thought of searching for some higher purpose in life, but I’ve rarely found a convincing argument from anyone. I searched on my own, and came up with nothing. I asked other people in whatever limited vocabulary I could and received an answer that was incomprehensible to me. I suppose I could have turned to religion. I have thought about it, and yet the more I try the less I perceive.
So I’ve grown wary of searching for something that I am assured I shall not find. And yet I keep searching with the optimism of a kid. What be the time I find it? I do not know. And yet I shall persist, if only because I still have many years to live.
On another note, I tire of people who are naught but airy pricks. What good could any conversation do them if they know not how to carry one? I’m not talking of people who cannot talk in some perceived manner of education or without a vast vocabulary. Rather simply those who are too “airy”. Those who seem to have no original thought besides the ones that someone else has put there.
I am fine with ranting and anger about specific stuff. Or stupid tangents that go nowhere. But having nothing to say is just…boring (he said with no self awareness).
P.S : Chapter 5 of wealth of nations was put on hold because of an assignment I had. I shall get back on it tomorrow.
Also, I recently opened a sociology book. It's pretty useless for what I bought it, but I’ll read more just to get a sense of stuff.
