Peace through Pain
TLDR: A continuation of Typescript Part 1
I sit here, staring at this code for hours on end. I know every line by heart, know every variable and what it does.
I know the little intricacies of this code, the faults and cracks in what appear to be a monolith of monumental proportions. The quirks that make it mine. I look and admire it for what it is, and yet cannot look any longer. The more I look, the more my heart is closer to giving out, for there is no conceivable way for me to comprehend it.
Its monumental size is as brilliant as it’s equally monumental failure. As a testimony to hubris, it stands tall and majestic, but as a relic to a time long gone.
I wonder sometimes if I ought to give up. I cannot, for it is my life’s purpose and yet, I wish to.
Oh, how the mind flutters from one thought to another in this endless void!
What can I do beyond do what I’ve done? I keep going. Whether forward or backward, I do not know, but I go. It is possible that I walk in one place, for the desert plays many tricks upon the eyes of the desperate. Sometimes I see an oasis, only to go closer and realise it was a mirage. A beautiful lie, but a lie nonetheless.
But I shall move, for that is all that I have left. Even though in my thoughts I occasionally contemplate the futility of it all, I go. I do not care anymore for the oasis, not for the scorching sun on my back. All that I can do, and think about, is going forward.
I wonder if I should sit for a while. Take some time to collect my thoughts. I suppose there would be no harm in that.
And so for the moment I sit. The sun still scorches on my back and my dead eyes still look forward across the horizon, for a glimpse of relief, but I feel a little better now. I can hear my own thoughts coming back, if slowly.
I shall be patient and embark again on this journey soon.
Remember when I talked about my frustrations with typescript here and how I had some problem? I though I fixed it, but it seems I haven’t.
Hell is here, and it’s in production environments.
